Wednesday, May 22

The Tory Leader, Iain Duncan Smith, (or as I heard some one call him recently - "Iain Duncan Thingy" - I spit coffee out my nose when I heard that), was interviewed on Radio 4 this morning and -- since I am not British -- I was able to listen to him without going apoplectic. (Is that a place you can go or am I mangling the language??)

Not to imply that he actually made a lot of sense. If there is one thing virtually every English politician has in common - dang, virtually every English mammal shares this characteristic - it is an overweaning yearning not to be perceived as actually possessing any opinions that someone somewhere might find objectionable. (I need to be careful not to go wandering off down every rabbit trail that presents itself to my undisciplined mind all at once - and let me tell you, when I start talking about English waffling, lots of opportunities present themselves unbidden!)

{Deep Breath}

As I was saying, Mr IDS was being grilled about the apparent conflict between his statement that every English child deserves an equal opportunity to a good education while he is sending his son to that crustiest of upper-crust education establishments, Eton. IDS had a great chance to score some major points with me - points that no doubt would have done him a world of good come the next election - but like a true 21st century English politician, he completely weenied out.

But I'm not English, and I'm not a politician, so I will respond to the interviewers questions as I can only wish some alleged Leader would do when asked such silly, stupid questions:

Interviewer: During a heated exchange on BBC Radio 4's Today programme, interviewer John Humphrys asked Mr Duncan Smith how a child at an inner-city school could have an equal chance to one who attended a private school.
Me: He can't, you ninny. People are not equal, therefore any set of organisations that involve people will inherently be unequal. That's life. Get used to it.

Interviewer: But you said you believe all children should have an equal opportunity.
Me: Nope, that was Mr Duncan Thingy. I think children and parents should quit complaining about what the government is not giving them and get busy doing something for themselves. If they don't like it, they should change it, not sit around whinging because the government isn't making everything equal. Equality exists in only two places - the grave and the ghetto. I don't believe people really want equality, they just want more of what somebody else has.

Interviewer: So are you prepared to say that your government would support raising taxes to get more money into the schools
Me: Absolutely not. I think the government schools should all be disbanded, the educational bureaucrats should be shot, the school buildings sold to the highest bidder, and the proceeds refunded to all non-government employee tax-payers. Parents should band together and form education co-ops; they could rent space for classes from the people who own the buildings using the refunded tax money to pay their way. They can hire the teachers who they believe are qualified and fire the teachers they hire if they don't do the job. All government administration buildings should be bull-dozed and turned into parks. Any educational administrator who doesn't actually work with children should given passage to the Palestinian West Bank where they can put to work their educational theories about self-esteem, whole language, outcome based education and especially multi-culturalism in an environment where they cannot possibly do any additional damage.

(I'm a little off message here, aren't I. Perhaps I'm giddy because I'm going home in less than two weeks.)

Anyway, Mr. Duncan Smith failed to point out that - by definition - government education is supported by taxes, that taxation is - by definition - legalised theft, and that government education, merely by existing, violates the 8th commandment. And we haven't even gotten around to talking about the law-breaking, anti-God, rebellious content of a government education.

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