Wednesday, September 13

Dreck and Piddle

If writing is God's way of showing me how sloppy my thinking is, then what in the world does it say about my thinking when I don't write? I suspect it says exactly what you would think it says - that by not writing I have ceased thinking.

I wrote for years. Years and years and years. Reams and reams of dreck and piddle. And what did it get me?

Squat.

So I quit writing. And now when I do write, perhaps it will still be dreck and piddle, but at least I am not attaching any salvific attributes to the act itself.

I subscirbe to an newsletter called Monday Morning Memo - highly recommended by the way - that is the marketing piece for a man who calls himself the Wizard of Ads. (No links provided - feel free to google it yourself.) I recall a piece he sent out a while back that was a eulogy for his father. Lemme see if I can find it....

Yep - here it is. (You're welcome.)

Anyway, as I read it, and read the tombstone, and imagined the man about whom that eulogy was written, I thought to myself, "wow - he lived a life, didn't he?" And I realized that I am living a life, too. Not exactly the life I wanted, but closer now than I was before.

Conscience makes cowards of us all. I believe that was Hamlet, a coward if ever there was one. It was that quote that came to me when I made a choice that my background and culture told me I should regret, but which hindsight tells me set me free finally to be who I wanted to be and to live the life I wanted to live.

Fear has kept me bound for a very long time, but I have slowly and certainly begun to shake it's gnarly bonds. Each day gets me closer to living the life I have imagined; each day leads to me to stare my fear full in the face and say "what the hell..."

No one gets out alive. Hamlet eventually learned that. I do not intend to die young, but neither do I intend to die without living. I have finally - finally - started to live. And I'll be damned if I am going to give it all up for some bastardized version of puritanical morality masquerading as "What God Wants...."

No one but me knows what this means, but everyone can benefit by clicking on the link referenced above.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I LIKE IT JACK, I REALLY DO, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO WRITE, I LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS, I LIKE WHO YOU ARE, ALL THE TIME.....WHO EVER THAT MAY BE, JUST SHOW UP, BE PRESENT, JUST SIMPLY BE YOU.....

Anonymous said...

eNFp....that's ME!!! Just thought you should know!!!!
8-5-4
324
324

Anonymous said...

I beg you to repent and yield your will to God before your life becomes total dreck and piddle, e.g. 'Crazyhorse'. Don't waste your life running after a mirage of happiness. You could become a great man if you would bow your knee and yield to the One who made you - because after your short years here you will face Him. Fall on the Rock before the Rock falls on you.

- from the one who knows you better than anyone on earth - your ex-wife.

Jim said...

"Run fast after everything, and that's just what you'll miss;
Live your life open-armed, or with a clenched fist."

There is a huge amount of irony in being called to repent by someone who refuses to forgive.

Anonymous said...

Obviously you do not know him better then anyone on earth and to place yourself in that position is sheer delusion on your part. You never knew him, You never knew who he was, if you had you maybe could have Loved him for who he was....not some man you wished or hoped him to be.....If you knew him you would know how much your words of venom hurt him and continue to do so with your careless attitude that you are so much more then him and that you are some how elevated above him and God, you place yourself in a place of Judgement instead of Mercy....is that Christian like??? See this is where you are mistaken, he is a GREAT MAN, and the fact that "YOU COULD BECOME" as You wrote, is obvious that you do not know him. Your loss. You do not know him and that my dear is why the two of you are not together, that is why he is happier then he has ever been. The difference now is he does know that God loves him with out stipulation as you have written above. God simply Loves him and will continue to do so, if you understood God you would know that. He wasted 23 years running after The Mirage of YOU.....the Mirage you called a sham of a Marriage, the Mirage that you wanted everyone else to believe, for happiness that you could never give him, your own needs were more important as you so clearly state, it is what you wish what you beg for. Who are you to judge him now like you do, do you not want the Father of your children that you share to be Happy, His happiness is the gift of his children, Chris, Audrey, Tyler, and Ellyn.....instead of a Mirage of Happiness? Who is pretending NOW? He is living now, honestly, safe and free to be who he was meant to be at the Hands of His God, a true God of forgiveness, do you know how to have forgiveness instead of judgement?? Do you have Mercy???
Yes you may know him because of time ONLY.... but YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM AND IF YOU DO BELIEVE WHAT YOU WROTE, "FROM THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN ANYONE ON EARTH", THEN YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER JUST WRITTEN WHAT YOU JUST WROTE BECAUSE IT IS A DAGGER TO WHO HE IS AS A MAN, FRIEND, AND CONFIDANT, YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER BETRAYED HIM LIKE YOU JUST DID BY BEING AS BLATANTLY CRUEL AS YOU SO SEEM TO BE!!

AND YES, I KNOW HIM, VERY VERY WELL

Anonymous said...

From where does the idea come that God's will is for any of us to be happy? He wants us to be holy. Happiness can be a byproduct of holiness, but holiness will not come as a result of seeking happiness.

God have mercy on us all.

anotheroneheliedto

Anonymous said...

Where can I get popcorn for this catfight? And why is the ex on this site anyway and posting smack?

Well well thought out and written response, by the way, to whomever responded.

'Judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who is not merciful'. Not my words. James'. Thank you, God, for mercy.

Anonymous said...

why is there such venom in your words, Ms "Anonymous"? (like you really are anonymous...come on...give us all a break.) I can respect your wanting to stand by your man, but do yourself a favor, save yourself some dignity, and don't make a spectacle of yourself for all of cyberspace to see.

Anonymous said...

Jack,

I am so sorry for all who feel the need to place what they have written on your blog for all to see. I have some comments.

1. Your Ex, who if anyones knows you, started with the aninimity of just saying "your Ex", we who know you know who that is. Karen Fink. Her words are judgement on your life. Jack, you did and do have a final divorce decree? Thank and praise be to God. Maybe Karen could have shown both restraint and respect towards you Jack by Not posting at all, and you do so while you are out of th country in London, not even in person. Thank you for showing your children respect for their Father.

2. Thank you Jim for being Jack's friend.

3. For the next Anonymous post, Thank you for standing by Jack, you are a friend I woud want you in my corner. I am not sure of your relationship with Jack but you show your respect for a very good man. I am not sure if you are Ms. or Mr. ? Does it matter? Thank you for your loyalty it shows your character.

4. To "anotheroneheliedto' COWARDNESS on your part. You also stand in judgement by what you wrote

5. Another "anonymous" post, Thank you for stating James so eloquently. Thank you for showing Your friendship towards Jack. A Friend, I am sure.

6. To the last anonymous statement I have a few words but they are yours to ponder, "he without sin be the first to cast the first stone" Why do you feel the need to be cruel to a person who defends another, you also post anonymously and also do so on the web for all to see.

7. Final words, Thank you God for your unfailing love for us all, what a shame you have to witness the above, I do so not for anyone to see this and think that one another is better or less. Realize their own failings and ask God for mercy. Pray for these shattered relationships and the hurt that is evident. Please allow all who are involved in the above to go thier separate ways in peace. No one in judgement except for you Our Lord, you sent you only Son so we may be granted forgieness for all of our sins, Thank You Lord.

8. I do this anonymously to protect You Jack as well as me. Kindness and love towards you always my friend!

Anonymous said...

Hang It Up,Your a phoney and anyone with any kind of sense can see through your bull God help your children and anyone you come in contact with you egomaniac.

Atticus said...

If you're gonna leave a comment deriding me on my blog, at least have the courage to post your own name and contact information.